Spencer Studio's Photo Studio Intern Program
As you can imagine, being one of the Top Five Photographers in Ottawa, and winning numerous national and international awards we get tens of thousands of inquiries yearly from photography students and wanna-be photographers wanting to co-op, intern or assist World Famous Master Photographer Robin Spencer. In an effort to support our industry we have developed what has been described as the "The Best Photo Studio Intern Program in the World, and possibly the Universe", selecting only a few applicants that can meet our incredibly high standards.
A mastery of English is essential, although technically, interns are not allowed to speak to Mr. Spencer directly
Speaking French is not required but speaking with with a French accent is (Parisian accent only please, it sounds classy)
Priority will be given to applicants who can also speak like a Valley Girl, or do imitations of famous people
Intern Applicant Requirements:
Must be a huge fan of Bob Dylan (people who enjoy listening to Celine Dion or Nickelback need not apply, because you are stupid)
No visible piercings or tattoos (exceptions being a Bob Dylan tattoo or an "I ♥ Robin" tattoo),
No hats, baggy pants, or any other clothes that make you look stupid
Shoes must match but Socks must not match (it's an artistic thing)
Must have a basic understanding of Art (as in impressionists not Garfunkle)
Must be able to do a graceful flourish while showing photographs etc.
Must be able to give a believable laugh at Mr. Spencer's jokes no matter how lame, or if you have already heard them 300 times
Must be good with monkeys (not sure why he requires that)
Must be able to dodge flying furniture when Mr. Spencer is having a bad day or can't find his meds
Priority will be given to applicants who enjoy giving foot rubs and trimming nose hair
Must be willing to take a bullet for Mr. Spencer ("testing" is done on Thursdays, so wear a really heavy sweater)
Please note that Mr. Spencer is too busy to learn the names of interns, so you will respond to "Grasshopper" or the snapping of fingers
Do not make direct eye contact with Mr. Spencer, keep in mind that you are only an intern
Do not speak to Mr. Spencer directly, questions must go through his #1 assistant Squeaky
Basic Job Description:
The internship includes no formal training, because we "visuals" learn best from observing.
8:00AM start the endless loop of Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits
9:00AM and 10:30AM: Make Cappuccinos and Lattes alternately. And NEVER forget the Biscotti. All delivered to Master. Silently but with a graceful flourish
9:15AM-10:25AM: Prank call Master's competitors and tell them they are stupid, then laugh and hang up
10:30AM-11:30AM Clean and polish cameras, lens and studio equipment
11:45AM until 1:00PM Take Mr. Spencer out for a nice lunch, your treat
1:00PM -2:00PM Afternoon Shoot, watch and learn
2:00PM Prepare the couch for Master's nap, fluff the pillow, find his blanky. After Master settles in, read softly almost in a whisper to him. Good Night Moon, The Little Prince or anything by Stephen King. The no speaking rule is waived during nap time reading
2:10PM -2:59PM Your free time: best spent reading, looking at art, or baking cookies
3:00PM Softly awake Mr. Spencer saying "Master, the world awaits your photographic brilliance". The no speaking rule is waived during nap time waking
3:15PM to closing: Watch and learn.
Some of The Many Benefits of Interning at Spencer Studio:
Upon completion, you will receive an official certificate. While the certificate itself is just written on the back of an old used envelope (to show our commitment to the environment) it is elegantly matted and framed. You will be presented your certifelope during the graduation luncheon at the local Tim Horton's. You may invite a guest and you may order any coffee/donut combination you like... yes even an XL coffee (Mr. Spencer's generosity knows no limits). After your celebratory lunch you will be whisked away to the local tattoo parlor to have a monkey tattooed on your wrist. No one knows why a monkey, it is just tradition.
Aside from the obvious benefits of learning lighting and posing secrets and guerrilla marketing at it's finest, you will also learn to truly appreciate sarcasm.
Our famous Intern Program will give you the confidence to enter the career of professional photography, knowing you can professionally deal with any situation and endure any amount of abuse.
Application Fees and Additional Info:
Internship is a non-paid position. Statistically only one applicant in 637 is chosen. Application processing fee is $473.50.
Note: The application fee is waived if you happen to look like Taylor Swift (No like "really" look like Taylor Swift, not a guy in his 40's wearing a blond wig and tight jeans. I'm not falling for that again)
(I can't believe I have to put this in writing. The above is meant to be funny there are some incredibly stupid people out there that either take it serious or take offense to it. If you don't have a sense of humour you will not make it in this profession. )